Pens and Penises

The pen is mightier than the sword.

Whenever I think of that phrase, I remember once early in my relationship with my husband Rick, he gave me a really nice pen as a gift, and on the card he wrote that phrase but then he accidentally-on-purpose left out the space between the words "pen" and "is." If you add a comma in there you might have something like, "The penis, mightier than the sword."

That's kind of funny. In a morose sort of way.

I'm not going to talk about politics. I actually went on Facebook last night for less than a minute and I ended up with a pretty intense anxiety attack. I had to take half a Lorazepam to settle down.

So many swords. So much sword fighting. All I could say to Rick was, "I don't feel safe." And I don't. In fact, I've only felt this way a couple of times in my life. Once was during a long term abusive relationship, and the other was after 9/11. In both cases, I yearned for normalcy, for comfort, for understanding. I turn to God for those things, and I also turn to my friends and family.

But I can't do that right now because we've all gone crazy.

I get it, I feel drawn into the eddy of emotional chaos with fear and anxiety and hate swirling around me, lifting me up off the ground and plopping me down into a strange new land where none of the rules make sense. And I don't even have a little dog to cuddle, which makes it even harder.

Here's the thing: Because I've felt this way before, I know what it is. I feel terrorized. If you know what terror is, you know that it's not fear over what's been done, or what is imminent. It's fear over what might happen.

I am terrorized not by the result of this election, but by what I think it might mean. To me, to my country, to the world. 

I am terrorized by the promises our President-Elect made during his campaign, and by the power of the sentiments those promises represent.

Now get ready because shit is about to get real.

I was sitting in solitude this morning praying for the comfort and understanding I long for, and it occurred to me then that I am responding with terror to the very same promises that I accuse others of being fooled by. 

I criticized people and laughed at them for voting for lies and empty promises, and then I sat here, terrorized by those same promises. Are they true threats, or aren't they? If they are indeed empty lies and progaganda, then I have nothing to fear. Now we shall see. We shall all see. It will be good to know the truth. Then we can effectively act from a place of truth.

Which leaves me with the emotional collateral. 

I am angry and scared because many of my brothers and sisters in Christ say our President-Elect is anointed by God, when clearly Jesus refused to get involved in politics - even when his followers wanted to make him the King. It's there in your Bible. So please stop giving Jesus credit. You're making people hate him and those of us who follow him. We all voted for our own agenda. Own yours or go find someone else to hide behind. 

But the Bible also says I must love my brothers and sisters, and my enemies, so I will go into solitude and silence as much as I can, and seek to transcend that which divides us.

I am angry and scared because it feels like racists and homophobes and misogynists will now feel entitled to their hate. In truth, they have always felt entitled. Maybe now they will just be more bold about it. Maybe that's better. Then we can see who they are. I'd rather know. Flush it out into the daylight and deal with it.

I am angry and scared because I am worried that life will never be "normal" again. The truth is that human life has never been anything that could be considered normal. I've just always found a way to feel normal despite my human condition. I'll find that again, by the grace of God. Or maybe I won't. And maybe that will also serve to flush out my complacency. Could be time for action.

Mostly, I am angry and scared because everyone on both sides of the conversation seems so vicious.

If your candidate won, congratulations. We have no choice but to wait and see what happens next. You are victorious. You need say no more. We get it.

If your candidate did not win, don't let this development make you hateful. If that happens, then you really lose. We all lose then, because hate disempowers and we won't be able to lean on each other in our moments of weakness. I think we can expect many.

We're OK. We will deal with it.

I'm not psychic, but I can tell you the outcome of this. In this battle - as in all battles - love will win. Each of us can be part of that love revolution, but we must first address the hate and fear in our own hearts and stop projecting it all onto the other guy.

So take out your pen - or your penis, or your paints, or your money, or your signs - whatever you've got - and find a way to calm the fear and transmute it into loving action.

That's what I'm going to do. At least I'm going to try. 

Peace and Love,